I Know

I know He is the Beginning, so why do I worry about the end?

I know He is the Creator, so why do I wonder who will destroy?

I know He has forgiven me, so why can’t I forgive myself?

I know He is a healer, so why of I speak of sickness

I know He can do all things, so why do I say I can’t?

I know He will protect me, so why do I fear?

I know He will supply all my needs, so why can’t I wait?

I know He is my strength and my salvation, so why do I feel weak?

I know that everything and everyone has a season, so why when someone’s season is over do I weep instead of rejoice?

I know He is the right way, so why do I go the wrong way?

I know He is the Light, so why do I choose to walk in darkness?

I know that whatever I ask of God, God will give me, so why am I scared to ask?

I know tomorrow is not promised, so why do I put off for tomorrow what I can do today?

I know that the truth shall make me free, so why do I continue to lie?

I know He gives us revelation knowledge and understanding, so why do I lean on my own understanding?

I know I should live in the spirit as well as walk in the spirit, so why do I choose to live in the spirit but walk in the flesh?

I know that when praises go up blessings come down, so why do I refuse to praise Him?

I know I am saved, so why do I refuse the word He has given me?

I know He has a plan for me, so why am I rushing it because I am eager to do His will, when it is His time not my time.

--Author Unknown

Looking back...

Well, as many of you probably know, I'm back at home after my 10ish weeks in TX. Looking back, I wouldn't give up the experience for anything. I might have had my moments of frustration or disappointment, but I know 100% that God took me to El Paso for a reason.

What did I learn?

To rely on God when I'm in a new place and desperately lonely for my family and friends at home.

To see God work in a situation where I disagree wholeheartedly with the status quo.

To understand the importance of having a solid support network surrounding you - people of every age.

To work across language barriers with as much grace as possible - every child deserves to know the love of Christ.

To remember how pumped I get to teach kids about God - it's such a rush. I wish I could have that feeling all the time

To go wherever God leads me without too many expectations because sometimes expectations get their butts kicked.

Under His sky

These last few days have been reentry camp for the Youth In Mission (YIM) students who traveled this summer. They were in 20 different sites around the world. El Paso became their home base as they returned for 2 days of debriefing, story-telling, and sharing what God has done.

One of my jobs was to debrief some teams about their ministry. I also was supposed to record the stories of students as they shared in either small or large group settings.

Oh how God moves... It's absolutely amazing.

I talked with one team that described their site/country as the most beautiful screwed up mess they had ever seen. In the midst of the gorgeous landscape sat a people who were governed terribly. They were in a church where the missionaries left them basically alone to run the ministry. As they bitterly yet lovingly told their stories to me I couldn't help but think that that place was ripe for fresh ideas and for God's hand to move. Why I'm pulled toward discouraging situations, I have no idea... Maybe it's because I think the beauty of God moving in absolutely hopeless situations is unparalleled.

What a powerful God we serve.

In another session we had a group prayer sessions where the students led out in prayers as they felt they should. One girl started praying in such a powerful way that I had to write down her story. Through tears she remembered to God how her friends in Thailand were beginning to gather together to do exactly what we were doing - praising, thanking, worshipping our Maker. She thanked Him for our army of brothers and sisters throughout the world all tied together because of our worship of our Abba under His sky.

I think that's beautiful. We can care about the world for the simple fact that we all - not some - all live under our Maker's sky. That is why we should love others. We are all loved by One.

VBS

this week has been soooo good for my mood - VBS!!! :)

it's one of the first weeks that i've really been busy every day. who knew that i would be so excited to be busy...

we're using nazarene publishing house vbs curriculum - it's called Museum @ 12627. i'm telling the Bible stories and spending the rest of the night just hanging out with the kids. i love getting to know them. even though i've been working with a lot of them in Bordertown, i feel like this is the first time i'm really getting to know them because i'm seeing them more than just once a week. we've had consistently around 20 k-6th graders and just under 10 pre-k.

the first night we talked about creation and the fall - the kids paid attention so well. i've gotten used to how they are in Bordertown (aka CRAZY). they actually listened to me talk for more than 5 minutes!!! next we talked about the call of Abraham, Ruth, and last night was the story of Jesus. today is about Pentecost and the outpouring of the Holy Spirit.

sometimes i forget how it feels to speak to kids. i get nervous as i prepare to speak. i'm afraid that i will get up there and be glued to my notes. i get afraid that the kids won't listen to me or not relate to what i'm trying to say.

but then i get up there and it just comes - i love being with kids. i love telling them stories. i love making them laugh and say, "wow!" as soon as i get up there all the nervousness just goes away like it never was.

these kids are amazing. i'm so so glad i'm here.

and you all who know me will be proud of me for taking pictures - enjoy them!!! :)

broken walls

so if anyone reads this blog, you'll notice that i changed the template... i'm a newbie blogger - i didn't even know there were free templates online!

anyway, this one is called broken walls. i love it. i think it's beautiful. and i love the name. broken walls.

that's how i want my life to be. i've spent a lot of time building up walls - but walls only serve to block out people that i love. especially God. i think that i block him with more walls than i block anyone.

i don't want walls in my life. this background reminds me that i'm a work in progress. the walls are being torn down but aren't destroyed yet. i'm not strong enough to take them down myself - i need Hands that are bigger than mine.
ones that have become rough from years of hard labor and work with wood.
ones that have beautiful scars because of Their love for me.
ones that hold me up when i can't stand alone.

those are the Hands that help me break my walls

what i've been doing in the meantime...

Sorry I haven't updated in a long time! There hasn't been too much to tell

I finished my class I was taking through directed study last week - it feels good to have it off my chest. Now I'm focusing on my internships and the ministries here.

I'm leading Bordertown again on Sunday. Jill and I want to serve communion to the kids in a few weeks. They never go down to "big church" and so they've never had the communion experience. But we don't want to just throw it on them. So this week I'm doing an Old Testament background to the story of Jesus. Next week Jill will cover Jesus and the salvation message. Then in 2 weeks we'll serve communion. Be praying that the kids take this stuff to heart.

VBS is in a couple of weeks too - I'm telling the Bible stories.

Other than that.... not much is going on. My mom is visiting in 3 weeks and I'll be home in 6.

Also, shout out to Jessica for being my first (and only) blog follower :) you make me feel loved, Jess! I hope your Mission Corps stuff is going well!!!

Love you all - drop me a note. I miss you all

Coming up....

This Sunday I'm leading Bordertown (children's church) - I'm nervous. This is the first time I've ever taught with the use of a translator (there are 3 or 4 kids who don't speak English). It's also strange because I don't really know these kids at all yet. Please pray for me. I'm talking about Gideon and highlighting Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

I think I need that message myself right now - I can do all things (even teach Bordertown) through Christ because he is my strength. If you think of me, pray for me - if any of you guys read this blog anyway haha :)

Angels & Demons

So I saw Angels & Demons tonight with my El Paso friend, Susan. Wow. It was amazing on many levels.

I guess I want this post to be more or less a discussion about "these kind" of movies - yeah, you know what I'm talking about. They're the movies that we good Christians shouldn't see because they're obviously anti-everything we stand for.

Or so we say.

But don't knock it til you've tried it.

Angels & Demons has strongly religious overtones - and they're not anti-religious. Yeah, I think that maybe Dan Brown took a few too many knocks on the Catholic church.... But there's a line at the end of the movie that I loved. One of the Cardinals makes a comments to Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks) about the church. He says, "The church is not perfect only because men are not perfect - all men."

So yes, we screw up. A lot. The Catholic church, the Orthodox church, the Protestant church. Maybe even our good Nazarene church. We are not perfect - and we are the Church. But at least Christ can work through fallible people like us.
At the beginning of the film, Ewan McGregor's character (the papal advisor - some Italian word I don't know...) asks Langdon if he believes in God. As Langdon begins to give a long and detailed explanation, McGregor cuts him off to ask the question again. Langdon says, "I'm an academic. My head tells me that I cannot comprehend God." McGregor: "What does your heart say?" Langdon replies, "Faith is a gift; and it's one that I haven't been given yet."

How many of us try to approach faith as if it weren't the greatest gift we could receive from our Maker? No, we cannot comprehend God: no matter how hard we try to explain Him we always fall short. Faith is not something we can get by ourselves. It's a gift - one we have to accept.

My faith is stored in the God who saves me from myself. My faith doesn't rest in the latest movie or book. I know that some refuse to read Brown's works because they are sacreligious. But they are works of fiction - my faith does not rest in what Dan Brown thinks about God and the church. My faith rests in Jesus Christ.

And honestly, I don't know what Brown thinks about God - but from some of the dialogue in Angels & Demons, he may not be as far off as some think he is.

Try it.

EL PASO!

Soooooo..... I'm in my new room at El Paso First Church of the Nazarene - it's really hot here and I'm having a wonderful time :)

I haven't done a lot of ministry yet other than YIM training and stuff. But I'm really excited to get into everything. On Sunday I went to children's church (Bordertown). It was a great time - everything is bilingual... I wish my Spanish was better! I'm really curious to see how things shape up as I get to know the congregation and community better.

I was talking to some of my new friends - Maynard & Barb and Norlyn & Bobbi. We were talking about how sometimes the church has trouble changing. I was so encouraged to talk to them - I think I could have sat in their kitchen for hours. They'd like me to help them write some curriculum for W&W teams that come through - I feel really blessed that they want my opinion.

Maynard and Barb said something that really stuck out to me. They said that when we meet people who need our help, we should ask them, "How can I ask God to bless you today?" Usually in that situation we just say, "I'll be praying for you," or, "Can I pray with you now," or even just, "Have a nice day." But how much more powerful might it be if we ask God to bless them in a way that is practical and tangible for their particular situation???

It challenged me - I think I want to spend more time with them.

seeds

if i were looking for God, every event and every moment would sow, in my will, grains of His life that would spring up one day in a tremendous harvest.

for it is God's love that warms me in the sun and God's love that sends the cold rain. it is God's love that feeds me in the bread i eat and God that feeds me also by hunger and fasting. it is the love of God that sends the winter days and when i am cold and sick, and the hot summer when i labour and my clothes are full of sweat: but it is God who breathes on me with light winds off the river and in the breezes out of the wood. His love spreads the shade of the sycamore over my head and sends the water-boy along the edge of the wheat field with a bucket from the spring, while the labourers are resting and the mules stand under the tree.

it is God's love that speaks to me in the birds and streams; but also behind the clamour of the city God speaks to me in his judgments, and all these things are seeds sent to me from His will.

if these seeds would take root in my liberty, and if His will would grow from my freedom, i would become the love that He is, and my harvest would be His glory and my own joy.

and i would grow together with thousands and millions of other freedoms into the gold of one huge field praising God, loaded with increase, loaded with wheat. if in all things i consider only the heat and the cold, the food or the hunger, the sickness or labour, the beauty or pleasure, the success and failure or the material good or evil my works have won for my own will, i will find only emptiness and not happiness. i shall not be fed, i shall not be full. for my food is the will of Him who made me and who made all things in order to give Himself to me through them.

-Thomas Merton: "Seeds"

Why the name?

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.

Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him. And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us"

1 John 3:16-23

Sometimes my worst enemy is myself. I can tear myself down better than anyone else in the world. It seems like I should be able to stop - but it comes back again and again, that terrible voice that tells me I'm not good enough. It says, "You didn't make the grade you wanted," or, "Did you pray today?" or, "Just look at yourself," or, "And you call yourself a Christian..."

And all too often I believe it.

See, John says that our hearts will condemn us. He didn't say maybe - he said "when" it happens. It sucks to be told by yourself that you're unworthy. It hurts to think that you can never be the person that God wants you to be. But that's why I love this passage so much.

God is greater than my condemning heart.

He tells me that I'm worth it. He tells me that I can be who I should be because he is my strength. All it takes is for me to believe in his son and love my neighbors - wow.

But sometimes it's good to remember that my heart can condemn me. After all, in remembering the condemnation I can also remember the redemption. So bring on my condemning heart - I have the saving power of Christ.